The Great Caramel Sauce/ Fudge Fiasco

It's a universal truth that sometimes things just don't turn out the way you planned. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our most careful planning, research, and testing, it all just goes to shit. And sometimes you get the Red Rider BB gun you've been pining after, but you end up breaking your eye-glasses and the neighbors dogs eat the Christmas dinner and just when you think all is lost, you discover chow-mein for Christmas dinner really isn't such a bad thing after all, it's just a little different than what you were expecting. 

Such was the case with the pumkpin pie fudge turned caramel sauce turned fudge. Let me backtrack for a minute: a few weeks ago, I asked my wife to pick up a can of pumpkin from the store, as I was planning on making a pumpkin risotto. She came home and proudly presented me with a can of pumpkin pie filling; the next day had a lesson in the grocery store about the variety of canned pumpkin products and we chocked it up to a learning experience. That can sat on a shelf in the pantry for a few weeks, until I decided there just wasn't room for it, and something had to be done. 

Pumpkin pie fudge sounded good, so I gathered my rice-mellow creme and vegan white chocolate chips and set to work. Truth be told, I should have done some testing, but sometimes I have no patience (which is what really screwed me over in the end here), and I should have realized something was bound to go wrong when the white chocolate wasn't melting properly. But I pushed through and folded in the rice-mellow creme and poured the gooey mixture into a pan. 3 hours later I discovered, not a set fudge, but a brilliantly smooth pumpkin spice caramel sauce, perfect for topping a brownie or ice cream. I poured the sauce into pretty little jars and placed them in the fridge to store them, and went about my business. a few hours later, i grabbed one of the jars to give to my mother as a gift, and discovered my brilliant caramel sauce had set and turned to fudge. Awwwwwww fudge! The experiment may not have been a success in a conventional sense, but now I have two options: heat up the jar and have a caramel sauce, or just dig in with a spoon and eat fudge from a jar. In the end, it might not be what I was expecting, but it'll do.

Essentials for Holiday Treats

The week before thanksgiving I start to get really excited for the baking and candy making that generally fills my late November and December calendar. I’m not a big sugar person the rest of the year, but during December I could easily consume thirty pounds of sugar. But before I become a sugar filled Tasmanian devil, I have to stock my pantry with all the staples for the December sugar rush.

Sweetened Condensed Soymilk
Make your own (I just found this and my mind is blown- never tried it- will get on that!) or order it through Pangea (they ran out a while ago, but don’t worry, it’s back). It’s essential for fudge and caramel sauce.

Vanilla Soy Creamer
A key ingredient for baking, I use as a substitute for milk in most baking recipes–it’s a bit thicker than regular soy milk and tends to make consistencies a little thicker, generally ending in better results.

Pumkpin Puree
Essential for pumpkin pies, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin pie fudge, veganized cherpumples (ok, if anyone actually makes one of these, please, please, send me pics!), and pumpkin pasties! (By the way, I am uber excited about Harry Potter 7 pt. 1 opening and will, in celebration, be making some pumpkin pasties tomorrow. I have decided my version will be southern style fried pies, filled with pumpkin pie filling)

Ricemellow Crème
Fudge, fudge, fudge! I really like to make fudge during the winter holidays. I’m sure there are other things you can use for

Vegan White Chocolate Chips
A necessity for cookies and fudge (if you don’t just want chocolate fudge)

Peppermint Candy Canes
Peppermint bark anyone? Peppermint topped fudge? Tree decoration? Many uses, one candy.

Agar Agar
While perusing the lofty shelves at the Seattle Public Library yesterday, I ran across a gem of a cookbook from the 70’s entitled The New Joys of Jell-O (as opposed to the old joys of Jell-O?) and is full of ornately molded “food” in neon colours with bits of fruit and/or vegetables suspended throughout. Watch out world: this holiday season, with the help of agar agar, vegans will join in the garish retro food revolution. (I draw the line at jelled gazpacho. That’s some sick shit.)

Egg Replacers
Bobs red mill…extra firm silken tofu…flax seeds. All must be kept on hand at all times to use in tandem or on their own. Stay tuned for uses.

Cookie Cutters, Pie Cutters and Gelatin Molds.
I’m not even going to ask what you would make for a custom cookie cutter, but the possibilities are endless. And while it’s true that pie crust cutters are totally extravagant, I just love the kitsch factor of trees adorning a pie crust. Also, don’t tell me zombie brain molds are only good for Halloween. Fuck that- don’t you know zombies don’t care what time of year it is? When those bitches want brains, those bitches want brains.

Vegan Fantasy Fudge

just like mom and I used to make at christmas time...

Ingredients:
3 cups sugar
3/4 cup margarine
2/3 cup condensed soy milk
1/4 cup milk vanilla soy creamer
1 12oz package of semisweet chocolate chips
7 oz ricemellow creme
1 tsp vanilla extract
i cup chopped nuts (optional)

Bring sugar, margarine, and milks to a rolling boin in a medium sucepan.
Boil for 5 minutes, stirring continuously.
Remove from heat and mix in chocolate chips until smooth.
Fold in ricemellow creme, nuts and vanilla and beat until blended.
Pour in 9x12 greased glass pan

For more festive fudge, try using vegan white chocolate chips and crush candy canes on top.