Notes on Picasso

When I was small, in 4th and 5th grade, I took French classes. Mostly, this did not consist so much of learning the language, but learning about the culture. We presented reports on the Impressionist artists, shared French food, and watched movies with subtitles. And of course, we inevitably learned about Picasso. My blossoming creativity, at that time, was drawn towards the playful fields of bright colours, the bold black lines, and the deconstructed facial features. Eventually, my fascination waned, and, like a pop song played constantly on the radio, the more I saw Picasso’s works, the more bored I became. He morphed into the pompous Picasso who thought himself genius, the Picasso portrayed by Jon Lovitz in Saturday Night Live, sitting at a café, signing napkins and shouting “I’m Picasso!!!” and insisting his scribbled on napkins will more than pay for his café au lait.

Crackin' the Crust on the Crème Brûlée

At the risk of sounding like a total hipster, in 2001 my favorite French director, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, released a little flick that we Americans affectionately shortened to Amelie. A simple pleasure, shared by Amelie and myself, is “cracking the crust of a crème brûlée with the back of a teaspoon.” Ah, crème brûlée, you delectable dessert, your caramelized sugar stopping hiding that silky smooth custard, how I’ve missed you. But no more! I even fooled my omni friends with this little recipe. Everything I love about crème brûlée is mine again, and truth be told, I really really like working with cooking blowtorches.  

Pumpkin Crème Brûlée

Fried "Turkey" Balls

The main meal idea for last years Thanksgivingpalooza came to me like a shot in the dark. There I was, lazing about on the couch, watching Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, and Guy Fieri was in Milwaukee, WI at The Comet Café. The Comet has a dish called “AJ’s Compact Turkey Dinner” which, essentially, is a thanksgiving dinner in a croquette. How could I see that and not immediately need to veganize? And I had to change the name, because saying “balls” is just a lot more fun than saying “compact faux turkey dinner.” Everyone deserves to indulge in crass 3^rd grade humor once in a while. The balls were a hit at thanksgiving, and we kept returning to the deep fryer for a few days to make more until our arteries begged us to stop. On another note, if you’re ever in Milwaukee, stop by the Comet, and grab a vegan Salisbury steak, or deep fried vegan ribs. I’ve never had them, but their menu makes me drool. 

The Main Course: Fried “Turkey” Balls

Butternut Squash Ravioli to Tempt the Palate

Our first thanksgiving on the easy coast consisted of my wife and me, a few good friends from long ago that had found themselves on the east coast, and a few new friends we had made in the area. We sat around our little apartment in Old Town, Portsmouth, VA, and ate Mama Gleaton's Tofu Turkey with Dressing (which, by the way, is still one of my favorite recipes), a store bought tofurky, salad, and maybe pudding… honestly, I don’t really remember but outside of the tofu turkey bake, it really wasn’t that impressive, but it did mark our first annual east coast thanksgiving. Five years later and there was no tofurky or pudding to be found, but there was awesome ravioli, that, after a debate over boiling or baking, was plated and eaten before I ever made it to the table. 

Course Two: Butternut Squash, Sage, and "Goat Cheeze" Ravioli with Toasted Hazelnut Sauce

Roasted Yellow Pepper Soup and Roasted Tomato Soup with Hot Pepper Cream

If you ask me what holiday I love most, I will respond “Thanksgiving.” I know, I know, it’s a horrible bastard of a colonized holiday. But for me, it’s just a time to cook for 2 days and share time and food with my good friends. For the last 5 years, I’ve hosted a “friends only” feast, and last year's was by far the most impressive. A full 5-course meal for 16 people, from appies too dessert, and way too much wine in between. The meal lasted 5 hours, including a rock band break before dessert. There was much laughter, much swearing (we all had name tags with pseudonyms like “Fuck Face” and “Ho’ Bag” adorning our shirts) and way too much drinking. I’m not one for traditional celebrations. At any rate, I’ve been meaning to post recipes from last Thanksgiving for about 11 months now. What can I say? I’m a procrastinator. At any rate, it’s high time I posted them, so here’s the first in a long awaited series of recipes from the Thanksgiving 2009 extravaganza!

Course one: Roasted Yellow Pepper Soup and Roasted Tomato Soup with Hot Pepper Cream

As Halloween Approaches: A Ridiculously Long Post About Horror Movies

When I was seven, I watched Child’s Play with my babysitter. Therefore, as far as scary stuff goes, I hate dolls, and I refused to watch horror movies until I hit college and my buddy Stephan sat me down to watch Dawn of the Dead (shopping mall version). Now I love craptastic horror movies, especially zombie movies. As Halloween approaches, I look over the Boston Globes “50 scariest movies” list and contemplate those I have watched and those I will never watch. The rest are going into a list, and let’s see if I can watch ‘em before my favorite hallmark holiday. I promise not to include ALL the movies on their list, just my highlights, and if anyone has any recommendations I must see before Oct. 31st of this year, y’all better let me know now. 

But before I start my list, I must say, if there’s a scary movie you must watch this year it’s Them, the movie The Strangers was based on, but 100x, no, 1,000x better. I also have no idea why Let The Right One In isn't on the Globe's list, but it's fantastic, and I hear Hollywood is ruining it, so you best see the original before the story goes to shit.

Hudson’s Humble (Apple) Pie

Autumn in Washington State mean apples, and lots of ‘em. So, when we moved back a few weeks ago, one of the first things I purchased was an apple corer/ slicer/ peeler in hopes it would help me take advantage of the bounty of apples grown in my home state. This weekend we headed over to one of the apple farms and picked up some cherry apple cider and apples of the Jonagold and Granny Smith variety for pie making and I finally had a chance to use my new doodad. I discovered it now takes approximately a minute and a half to prep an apple to go into an apple pie. Plus, it’s really fun to use, in a nerdy homesteading kind of way.

However, none of this would have even happened if it weren’t for Hudson. See, my friend Vanessa, who has been the cutest preggers lady for the last nine months, finally graced us all with her son Hudson’s presence. And he is a cutie. Normally newborns have that “I’m an alien prune and I look like I need these wrinkles ironed out of me” look about them, but not Hudson. So on our way back from the apple farm, my wife and I got to go take a peek at the cutest six hour old I’ve ever seen, and I knew right then who I would be making a pie for. Before I laid the top crust on the pie and popped it in the oven, I pulled out my trusty cooking stamping set (that my awesome friend Ruth in Germany sent me) and stamped “Hudson’s Humble Pie” and “Apple of Our Eye” into the crust as a sentimental bitch slap to Martha Stewart. Boo-yah!

Hudson’s Humble (Apple) Pie Recipe